Construction is hard, and dirty with double entendres behind every piece of naughty pine.

Even though I am always slipping sly little funny double meaning jokes into my videos, I still try to keep all of the DIYs on my YouTube channel rated PG. If you’ve seen my stand up you’ll understand that this comes with a little effort; not much, but a little. I am not a filthy comic, but I want parents to be okay watching my DIY videos with their kids; or to feel comfortable if they have a handy child who enjoys watching and learning from my videos.

This week I am making a DIY video on the finer points of re-caulking a moldy shower and the dirty jokes just write themselves, perhaps too much. As a matter of fact, I am having one heck of a time keeping this video rated PG while talking about filling a big gaping crack with some big black caulk.

It’s a funny reminder of just how many dirty double entendres there are woven throughout the entire construction industry. And I’m not talking about euphemisms here; this is real job site speak that is used daily to describe work procedures and it always makes me giggle like a little boy with a flashlight looking up “teat” in the dictionary.

Overgrown children like myself are constantly giggling at some of the things we say to each other during any given work day, for example.:

Carpentry: “Please tug me in the corner” and “You hold it down while I nail it.”

Flooring: “the tongue slides in easy with just little oil” and “I’m so tired of being on my knees.”

HVAC: “Is it blowing or sucking?” and “My pipe is way too big for that inlet.”

Plumbing: “How much total head are we talkin about?” and “What size nipples do I need to grab?”

…to name just a few, although I must say, after 10 years of pulling cable for Local 98 in Philly, the electrical industry seems to have more filthy lingo than the other trades. “jiggle my fish”, “lube up the head”, and “can you take it all?” are just the regular smutty things one man might say to another man on any random job site; a man who he may have just met, by the way.

Even the stoic misanthropes on the job can crack a smile from time to time when you tell him over the two way radio with a shit-eating grin, “don’t pull it out until I tell you to pull it out.”

Some of you may find it shocking that it’s 2021 and there is still no H.R. presence on job sites, no yard-duty with a clip board keeping the bullies and smart-asses like me in check. It is what it is folks. The construction industry is very fluid and can be very dog eat dog; so at lunch and break you better have “thick skin”, as they say, and still be able to “break some balls” if you want to get through the work day without having your tools hidden in a closet..

As a comic I am grateful that there are still some places where this type of double entendre humor and minor pranking is acceptable enough to make people giggle regularly.

If you think about it though, in the trades we work primarily with our hands performing physical processes; and if you’re going to describe the process of pushing something in or pulling something out with your hands, invariably you’re going to have to tell someone on the other end to “hold on while you get the lube.”

I will keep jotting down the some of the ins and outs as they pop up, but please feel free to leave a few dirty nuts and bolts in the comments section of this blog post. We could probably compile a pretty “naughty” pine list.

Stay safe!

America’s Funniest Handyman, come for the knowledge, stay for the laughs.